is the number of lovers I've had.
is the number that are still alive.
is the number that lasted less than this.
is the number that lasted over ten.
is the number that I am now.
And ONE is the loneliest number.
Patrick, Ken, David, Bobby, & Will. I still love them all. Especially Will. Will was number five and number one. The one that died.
I left New Mexico and moved to Delaware. With Bobby. We were best of friends. Not lovers anymore. Bobby soon met a man and moved to Ocean City.
I met Will.
Will was the one that cost me extra. He was the only one of five that was not a cosmetologist, a barber, a hairdresser!
I remember thinking how odd it was that I could fall in love with someone that couldn't take care of my needs. My hair needs. Bobby still did my hair. Color and cuts. Will took care of all the rest.
The two of us moved to Florida. I had to pay a stranger to take care of my needs. My hair needs. Will took care of the rest. Well-most of the time.
I often wonder how it is that one falls in love. Is the decision calculated? What is it about this one person that makes you want to become two? I never went out looking for someone that could do my hair. Yet until I fell in love with Will the other four could. Do I still love Will the most because he was number five? Is it because he is the one that died? I do know that Will was the one. The one that should not have died. The one that made me lonely being one. If I took the other four away from the five I am still left with one. Maybe love is a calculated numbers game. And ONE is the loneliest number.
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